Friend and supporter Madame Ferrell passed this story on from NPR: Iraq Veteran Suffers Wounds That Can’t Be Seen : NPR and the whole thing needs to be read. As the casualty rate continues to climb among our deployed troops, this is the story that has to happen more often than we all know – where a Mom has to try to deal with her son or daughter’s combat issues from a remove. We’d like to think that no one knows our child better than ourselves. In some cases this might be true – and there are plenty of parents fighting the system after accurately observing major changes in their kid. At other times though – the child has changed to such a degree in the military that it may be hard to see where the life change stops and the combat change starts. I work with a military health care professional, one that has had charge of probably thousands of young men and women when they were hurt, injured, and vulnerable. After watching her work up close I’ve no doubt that she did great things for most of them. But when her own son suffered in Iraq she was powerless to do much but encourage his caregivers and be on the receiving side of the phone call when he does call. Mom can’t help him with all this, she said to me one day.
But that leads me back to the story and John Blaufus’ initial tragedy. I was talking to CPT Murphy the other day and we both compared how we’d been shaped by strong men in the Army. For myself, I was raised mostly by my really heroic Mom (don’t get me going!) but can look back now and see course corrections in my life path that could have been applied by a more-present Dad. But when I got into the Army – it really started with SSG Don Hollinger and 1SG Robert Griffin in the Texas National Guard – I was constantly guided and shaped by people that only became more important to me through life. That continues to this day. And we agreed that for many the Army or the Armed Services can provide the father-figure or big brother that is absent in many people’s life today. Murphy and I each allowed as to how positive an affect this can have on a person’s life and that it could even be considered an enlistment bonus for some. But when this figure is torn away from a Soldier, at close range, in a mess of chaos and grit, it can be shockingly devastating:
“When I got to Ft. Lewis, my duty station, I met Staff Sgt. Julian Melo. He was just really like a father to me,” Blaufus says with a sigh. “We really relied on each other.”
Another friend of mine had his first sergeant shot out from underneath him in a HMMWV. Even though my friend has been injured and wounded several times since then (he was hurt that day too) and still struggles with many, many injuries and effects from his several deployments, the single regret he expresses is the loss of his friend, compatriot, mentor, and ultimately – father-figure. And that leaves a chink in his otherwise very closed armor that won’t be covered anytime soon.